How I spent my summer vacation
My three-year-old is a vicious, scheming, cheating monster – especially when he plays Monopoly or Blackjack. This, at least, is what his six-year-old brother tells me. You might be familiar with this type… Read More
Tag Archive: moms
On preschooler language
Parents are really into telling their little kid, “Use your words!” Especially when he’s about to smack down another toddler. But why are they his words? Are we sure we want him to… Read More
A nightmare on your street
If you live with a person who’s about two years old, you’re probably familiar with the weird things we say to get them to do things. Or, um, to stop doing things. And… Read More
Tattoo you? How? Who? Eh? Speak up!
Remember when Cracker Jack tattoos were the only way to turn yourself into a young Queequeg? Those little slips of paper with food coloring that blended into a mix of two colors? Yes,… Read More
Down at the toddler smorgasbord
I often hear mothers remark that they pretty much subsist by eating scraps of leftovers from the anointed ones, i.e., their tiny children, usually while clearing away small, sticky plates. Though I’ve never… Read More
Everyone, get on the floor
At our latest visit to the pediatrician’s office, the patient in question decided it would be a good idea to swim around on the linoleum, under our chairs and under the desk. I… Read More
My toddler’s field work focuses on the upper Cretaceous Period
I have one of those rare 24-month-olds who’s already naming dinosaur species. “T. Wex!” he shouts. “Scared,” he mumbles, making his tiny mouth into his best little frowny face. What I fail to… Read More
Lightning McQueen fans packing heat
“Cars 2” is coming out this summer, to the delight of very little boys everywhere. If you’re unfamiliar with the movie, or with males under 3 feet tall, it’s a story about a… Read More
What’s in my pants?
Before I even finished my coffee yesterday, I heard, “Ow, ow, ow! There’s a sticker on my penis! Ow! Ow! Help, Mommy! Help! Help! HELP!!!!!” Um, what? Um, hello? “Uh, what do you… Read More
23 Months Later; or, Zombies Don’t Need Snack Cheese
The CDC nearly took down its own Web site this week when the excited masses learned it had featured a blog post about how to survive a zombie apocalypse. I’m one of the… Read More
